Reminder-Call MOM

Yesterday, like any other day, my middle daughter Maggie was giving me the business. She is THE KID. The one that knows how to "get my goat' and put salt in my wounds. They say everyone with more than one kid has one. The kid you constantly butt heads with, the one that makes your blood boil in seconds and always goes just a tad too far. She's walks a fine line on the ledge at all times just waiting to see what will send me into a crazy psycho mommy spiral where I'm pretty sure my hair turns into snakes, I breathe fire from my mouth and my eyes suddenly look way too big and bloodshot. Apparently casually slipping a 20-month baby a green marker, slyly walking away and later claiming complete deniability as I am rigorously scrubbing marker off my entire kitchen wall will send me into said rage. You get the picture. If you don't have one of "these" kids, please reach out and let me know. Maggie is available with free 2-day shipping and free returns; however, she does not come with property or hazard insurance-that's on you. You get what you get.

Just as I began to wrap up what can only be described as a stellar parenting moment yesterday. By stellar I simply mean I was acting like an adult and not sinking down to her level or falling for her traps. As I was finishing up Maggie leaned in just far enough (chest puffed up and chin held high - like a proud rooster) let out a quick "whatevs" and turned on a dime in retreat. In that moment I envisioned myself quickly extending my arm out just fast enough to grab that way to perky ponytail of hers and snapping her back around to face to me square in the eye while I gave her the best beat down mom threats my arsenal has to offer.

Y'all, she didn't even say the entire word. Instead of whatever she shortened it which made it even more agitating. She went and made a slang version of whatever or maybe she's just lazy. Whatever the reason, this kid has balls and big ones. I remember thinking, "at least when I was younger I used the entire word." And in that moment it hit me, this is what I used to do to my mom ALL the time and I need to call her and apologize. If not an apology then a quick, hey mom thanks for not sucker punching me in the throat when I was a kid. Thanks for letting me live mom, I know you probably wanted to strangle me on the regular.

Honestly, when I look back on my childhood I typically think I was a good kid. After all, I went to a high school in a county with the highest teen pregnancy rate at the time and graduated with honors and baby free! I mean hello, jackpot daughter obviously. I mean I also graduated a VIRGIN no less. Truly, my parents didn't have much to worry about here, I was blessed with enough chubbiness in high school to keep all the boys far enough away from my goodies. I didn't get into trouble, I played sports year-round, said please and thank-you.

Like Maggie, I was good in public, but at home I wasn't always an angel. I could be Maggie with a smart mouth and defiant attitude. I still remember once when I was at the table for dinner, I must have been badgering my dad for the umpteenth time about needing ketchup for my food and he simply picked up the fast food bag the food had come in, put it over my head and said he didn't want to see me again til he was done eating. Back then I was actually speechless and horrified, but now, as a parent myself, I get it.

I remember times my mom and older brother would go at it. My older brother was THE KID, the one that ALWAYS got my moms goat. After their arguments I would go check on my mom, usually in the bathroom where we couldn't see her upset. When I was young I would go to comfort her, but now I am the mom in the bathroom when things are too much.

After all these realizations I made a mental note to call my mom and just let her know I appreciated all she had done. Then I snapped out it only to see Large Marge's quick retreat up the stairs. I was so caught off guard by her grammar and shortening of the word whatever that I paused too long and missed my moment. Next time though, next time Mags your ass is grass and I'm gonna be ready for whatever curve ball you are throwing my way. Bring it sister!

And Mom, if you happen to take a quick look at this blog, thank you! I'm sorry for all that stupid stuff I did as a kid, sorry for the extra stress I am sure I caused and thank you for being my mom and friend today. I LOVE YOU!