Faux Real

The last time I wore spanx was a loooooong time ago. By long ago I mean pre-kids. I also mean a time when I was in my 20's and for some reason I can no longer fathom, I thought I needed to wear spanx to slim my prebaby hips and thighs and make my tummy look flatter (you know, heaven forbid I look bloated from drinking one too many happy hour beverages). Those times usually ended with me in the bathroom when I decided it was time to "break the seal", discovering how hard it is to get out of the stupid things in a crunch and then deciding to shove them in my purse and swear I would never wear them again. This is usually when I also whipped out my stand-by flip flops and favorite koozie from my purse. You know, all the essentials you need in college. I wish I could go back and explain to my former self that spanx were not actually made for 20 something girls who hadn't yet had their bodies ravaged by pregnancy. That after your hips have been split apart enough to allow a human body to escape, then and only then should be the first time you venture into the shaping section of the ladies department in search of something to put your body and wobbly bits back somewhere close to their former home.

Fast forward to my now 38 year old body, post three babies and 84 pounds of weight loss--NOW I've got a reason for spanx and I am pretty much asking for a miracle every time I squeeze into them. I often think that one day I will go the doctor to finally get my tummy tuck and he will look back at me and say "Well, I don't really think we can help you, you are too far gone. There just isn't much I can to with this kangaroo pouch you developed. The best I can offer is to make a muff out of it. That way at least you can use the fat to keep your hands warm in the winter." And I have visions of me walking around using my skin pouch as a hand warming device. This dream usually occurs after I take melatonin to help me sleep.

Remembering the pain of trying to put spanx on in my 20's, I pretty much went into this like I was preparing for battle. First, I took off my rings so that I wouldn't snag the leggings as I began to pour my body into them. Second, I turned on the ceiling fan and extra corner fan since I was pretty sure a hot flash was going to occur the minute I started squirming all over the place trying to wiggle and pry myself into these bad boys. (To the 20 somethings that haven't had kids - pregnancy can cause hot flashes and these may or may not go away after you have the kids. Just something for you to look forward to. Now you won't be surprised if it happens). Third, I went to the bathroom beforehand cause you don't want to be in spanx when you suddenly realize you have to go and know there is no way you can get out of those bad boys fast enough.

So now that I was prepared, I took both pairs out of the box. I had hesitated to order these because I've been certain I would be walking in these and making swishing noises as my thighs rub back and forth. But since I have lost some weight, I put my personal fears aside and ordered a petite large and petite medium after reading reviews about how you should order a size up for fit. I wear a medium in pretty much everything at this point and a 29 inch waist in jeans for reference. So just for humor I decided to start with the medium. To my surprise I was able to manage to get the medium on without a lot of wiggling. They are snug yes, but spanx are supposed to be a little snug and at this point in my life I appreciate it a little more.

Now that I had them on I had to figure out what in the world I already have that I would wear with them, therefore; FASHION SHOW! One tip I can give you is not to ask your husband for advice on what to wear with your faux leather leggings. After each top I tried all he could say was "you can't wear that, you don't want to cover up the leggings". Yes, Yes I do, there is no way I am going out with full butt exposure in a pair of faux leather leggings. Sorry, just not going to happen.

In the end, I like the leggings. I think they add a just a little something fun and extra to the basic black legging. I don't actually swish when I walk which is a bonus and they are more comfortable then I expected. They are comfortable and look good with tennis shoes, flats or booties and layer well with sweaters. I am looking forward to wearing them this fall/winter season. If you are comfortable in leggings I say go for it, but they are pricey. I have other black leggings with a faux leather stripe, but like these more. My husband really likes them, so I guess leather is sexier than cotton???? Not really what I was going for, but maybe not a bad thing???